Wednesday, March 16, 2011

An Ordinary Day

1982.  Atlee Recreation Association.   
A chubby, freckle-faced, 6-year-old girl walked into the pool area.   
It was the first day of swim-team practice.  
 No big deal other than the nerves she felt about being new to competitive swimming.    
Donning a very unflattering blue bathing suit, her long hair braided 
and forced into an unusually tight silicone cap, and goggles on her eyes, this little girl dove into the water.   
By all accounts, this day could be described as ordinary.   
Nothing special about it at all.   
Or at least that is what she, and likely everyone else, thought at the time.  
 

This little girl fell in love with the water, and she learned to swim well.   
And for the next 10 summers, she spent every spare moment at this place…in the water…with her friends.  They played Cross Pool and Water Polo.   
They hid during games of Marco Polo and fought over watermelons greased with baby oil.  
 They learned how to do flips, back dives, and other tricks off the diving board.   
And, at times, they simply sat and talked.   
And laughed.  A lot.  
 And at some point during these years, amidst the laughter, 
the way-to-early-in-the-morning swim-team practices, 
and the hours spent in front of the snack bar eating the best lollipops known to man, 
this girl met a boy.   
And while it is hard to say what day these two met, and there is no account of how it actually occurred, 
there is no doubt that it happened.   
For most every one of her memories of these summers at the pool is filled with this boy.   
And, this was no ordinary boy.   
This boy, too, was freckle-faced, and he had a head full of the most beautiful, white hair one had ever seen.  
 (And she remembers well the way it looked beneath the sunshine).   
And, to a girl who, on most occasions, followed all the rules, 
this boy was intriguing.  
 He appeared free from the need to conform—
not only to the expectations of the swim-team coach 
(which, by the way, proved to be this girl’s biggest romantic competition), 
but also free from the need to be like everyone else.   
This boy appeared fearless.  Appealing to her sense of curiosity, she watched.   
She watched him take risks as he tried new tricks off of the diving board 
(usually during swim-team practice when he was supposed to be swimming laps), 
and she admired him from afar as he spent hour upon hour in the pool parking lot doing tricks on his bike.   
And she knew that whenever he got out of the pool and went missing for 5 or 10 minutes, 
he was usually behind the building smoking a cigarette.   
And she didn’t care.  She loved him.  Really loved him 
(or at least loved him as much as any pre-teen could love somebody).   
And she went home every day and doodled his name on paper, 
called her best girl friend to talk about him, 
and she counted down the minutes until she could go back to the pool, hoping and praying (and crossing her fingers…and toes) that he would be there again. 
And he almost always was.
 

 
Until one day, another seemingly ordinary day, 
when this girl, now 16, was swimming in the deep end of the pool.   
This boy’s best friend arrived.   
She immediately scanned the area for any sight of her white-haired dream boy, 
since the two were most often together.   
Upon realizing that he was not there, and acknowledging that this was highly unusual, 
she mustered up the courage to ask where he was.   
It was in that moment that she learned that her love, the one boy who had been the apple of her eye every summer since she was six years old, would not be at the pool that day.  
 Or the next day.  Or for a very long time.   
The details did not matter.  All that mattered was that her heart hurt.   
And there was nothing she could do about it.

Many years passed and she lived her life.   
She accomplished goals and overcame obstacles.   
She lost her way and dug through the mud and muck to find herself again.   
She pushed God away, cried for His grace, and brought Him back to her side.   
She was blessed with the best friends a girl could ever have 
and laughed so hard she cried….more times than she can count.   
And she learned to not take life so seriously, for it is short and should be lived well.    
She gave birth to the most amazing little boy she could imagine, 
and she has had to acknowledge her selfishness and shortcomings in her attempt to parent him selflessly 
(which she still struggles with).   
And throughout these years away from this boy she met when she was 6, she grew. 
 She faced her flaws.   
She examined her mistakes.   
She planned for ways she could avoid those mistakes again in the future.  
 She was given friendships beyond compare 
and family who loved her even when they shouldn’t have. 
She was held in the hand of an amazing God who prepared her, 
even when she had no clue she was being prepared, for this boy to come back into her life.   
But this time, as a man.   
And in 2010, he did.   
Three months later, she became his wife.

Now, late at night, as I lay beside this man, my husband, my Eric…
as I hear his steady breathing and I see his peaceful face, I am in awe.  
 In awe that this boy I was smitten with so long ago has ended up my husband…
in awe that my faithful God trusts me to take care of, and protect, his heart….
and in awe that I, in all my undeserving ways, have been given a gift—
a love more amazing that I have ever dreamed of.   
We may not be perfect—individually or as a couple— but we still choose each other.   
We chose each other as children.   
We chose each other in January when we wed.   
And we choose each other every single day that we wake up and face the world.   
And when I take a moment to stop and I look into Eric’s eyes, 
I often see that boy from years ago, and I am reminded of those summers…of OUR summers...and I smile.   
I feel like that girl again…loving that boy.  
 And I know, for certain, that I am exactly where I am meant to be, with the person I am meant to be with.   
And this time, he’s not going anywhere.  

I love you, E.  You have always had my heart.  You always will. 
 
M :)

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

In The Silence

For five, oh-so-glorious (ha!) years as a mother,
my morning routine has been the same.
Now, granted, as Tyler has gotten older, the routine has changed shape in some ways,
but for the most part, it has gone like this:
I wake up. I wake Tyler up. I make sure we are prepared for the day ahead.
We grab breakfast, and we are out the door!
And, let’s be frank.
This morning routine is usually anything but smooth, calm, organized, or fun.
Really, it’s pretty much a battle.
If it’s not about brushing teeth, it’s about what socks are the most “comfy-cozy”,
or whether sunglasses are appropriate preschool attire,
or if his gi-normous transformer can be his “sleep toy” at school.
I mean, seriously.
I like sleep.
I like personal space.
I like to have some quiet time in the morning to gather my thoughts and
mentally prepare for the day.
(And, now, as I read that last set of sentences,
I am compelled to maybe change those “like” words to “need”!)
And these needs of mine have had to be thrown to the wind.
I have fought back the urge to kick Tyler out of my bed at 3am
when he disturbs my sleep and crawls in.
Every Night.
I have actively engaged in this thing Tyler calls the “morning hug”
Which is really more like a “morning tackle”,
And I have set aside my desire to listen to my music in the morning and surrendered myself to the musical likings of “The Wheels on The Bus” and “The Itsy Bitsy Spider”.
And while this battle has persisted day-in and day-out,
Not just the battle of the wills with Tyler,
But my own internal battle about what I want vs. what my five-year old wants,
the real “fun” begins when we hit the car. (embrace the sarcasm here)
This seemingly loooooong (albeit 10 min.) trek to pre-school every day
has often caused me to question whether or not I would be able to maintain my sanity.
(implying that I had some to begin with….
no snide remarks from the peanut gallery, please.)
This ride to preschool can be compared to Chinese Water Torture.
I am voluntarily trapped…yes, TRAPPED, in a moving vehicle
With a five-year old who won’t quit.
A human form of the energizer bunny, if you will.
Non-stop talking.
Constant questions.
A million-and-one music requests.
On and on and on and on it goes.
And all I want is some stinkin’ peace and quiet!
But, alas!
Today, Tyler went to Kindergarten.
He did great.
The bus came 10 minutes early,
Which was actually perfect.
There was only enough time for a kiss, a quick picture, and a wave goodbye.
Quick and painless.
Just like the removal of a been-on-too-long band aid.
So, along with my neighbors, I followed the bus to school.
I watched him get off the bus and make his way to his classroom.
I snapped a few more pictures (surprise, surprise),
Chatted with some people we knew,
Saw he was happy and comfortable,
And I made my way out the door.
(and, in the words of George Michael)…
freedom! Freedom! FREEDOM!
NO MORE TORTURE TRIPS TO PRESCHOOL.
And then….
Three miles later,
I felt odd.
I heard a report on the weather and some local news.
(sounds simple, but this hasn’t happened in the car for years)
I began singing along to a favorite tune and could hear ALL the words.
And then I felt the lump. Deep in my gut.
I was feeling the silence.
No one was inquiring about how the DJ had “gotten into our radio”.
No one was yelling at me to “turn down the radio” so he could tell me how many times
He “pooted” in the “seat car” since we left home.
No one was verbally processing the ways that
Jesus could possibly be in our hearts and the sky at the same time….
(And looking at me to actually give him the answer.)
I glanced behind me.
I saw the empty “seat car”.
My favorite song played on, uninterrupted.
And I ached. Full-out ACHED.
The lump finally revealed itself as a tear fell.
The silence couldn’t comfort me.
Nor could my favorite song.
So, I let the tears fall.
And, I took a moment to reflect on the significance of
Our 10 minutes together in the car each morning.
And I wanted them back.
It was in this moment,
In the silence
I realized.
All this time that I thought I was attempting to cope with just how much my child needed me,
It just might be that I needed him more.



(Tyler D., I love you…. more than anything in the whole, wide world! –Mommy)

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Schkimmy, Schkimmy....

Do you spell it shkimmy?  or shcimmy?  or schkimy?  or some other, yet-to-be-determined way? 
I don't know.  
And I don't really care. 
All I know is that the phrase "Schkimmy Schkimmy" moves me deep in my soul....
in a very, very good way.

Let me set the stage here.  
Meredith College. Raleigh, NC.  The Class of 1998.  
Amy Jo.  
Katie.  
Sara.  
And, yes, yours truly. 
God (there is no question about His divine intervention in this process) brings them together under one roof for four years.  
They find Forest Hills Baptist Church.  
And a girl named Beth.  
And a boy named Collice.
And the world was never again the same.  
(at least not our little, super fun, nonsensical world)
And A new language was formed.  A language that made no sense to anyone but us.
The phrase, "schkimmy, schkimmy"  could mean anything we wanted to.  
All we had to do was emphasize different parts of the phrase or repeat the phrase enough that it sounded like an entire sentence.
For instance, "schkimmy, schkimmy" said plainly with a slight shrug of the shoulders often meant, "it doesn't matter."
But "SCHKIMMY, SCHKIMMY!" likely  meant, "STOP DOING THAT!"  
(Get the picture here???)
Now...
For most of you, you are thinking this was pretty darn juvenile for college students.
(And let's face it....it probably was).  
But we laughed.  HARD.  OFTEN.  VERY OFTEN. 
And to this day, I think about our special language.
Our love language.
The language that said nothing but everything everytime it was spoken.
and I wouldn't change it for a thing.  

I love you guys..... Schkimmy, Schkimmy.... xoxo

M <3


Sunday, August 22, 2010

Thank you for loving Tyler.


So, yesterday was CRAZY BUSY!
Up at 6 am,
drop Tyler off with Mom at 6:30 am,
Run with the "Mothers" at 7 am,
Finish my five mile run at ....(well, that doesn't matter),
photo shoot with an old friend at a local park at 10 am,
Tyler's friend's birthday party at 11:30 am (which we missed)
Finish preparing cupcakes for a fundraiser at 12:30 pm,
shower, laundry, clean house, etc.
before we head to a birthday party
for my client's daughter
who was celebrating her first birthday
at 4:00 pm.
Get together with girlfriends to make preparations for
one of their weddings coming up in October at 6:00 pm.
(Bloody Mary at 7:00pm...shhhhhh)
Left her house at 9:00 pm
Bath for T at 9:30 pm
In bed, both of us, at 10 pm.

Ok, so I am exhausted just thinking about yesterday.
However, let me back up.
Because in the midst of my craziness,
There was a moment that made me pause.
And pause long. And think hard. And count my blessings.
See the part where I said
I went to a birthday party for my client's daughter's first birthday???
Well,
Tyler
and
I
were
the
only
ones
who
showed
up.
Yes. You read that right. No one showed up to celebrate the first year of this beautiful little girl except Tyler and I.
As busy as my day was, and as tired as I was, and as much as I lacked the energy to go to that party...
I went. And when I realized that I was the only one coming, I was forced to stop.
And take a moment.
And thank God.
I thanked God for putting people in my son's life who love him.
Every day, without a doubt, my son is loved. By a TON of amazing people.
And, on his first birthday, my mother's house was
Full...
Jam Packed....
Filled...
With people who loved him...People who still do.
Thank you, Dear God, my family, and my friends, for wrapping your arms around my child, even when you are tired, even in the midst of all your responsibilities,
and even when you have your own family to love.
Thank you for loving Tyler.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

God Thinks of Everything














Absolutely beautiful.
She has that thing. You know. The "glow".
And as I stared at her through my lens,
I couldn't help but think...

What a blessing. What a miracle.

What a great mother Shanone will make.

And, I thought back to my own experience as a mommy-to-be,
and I remembered...
in the midst of my excitement and fear,
after all, most of us fear the unknown,
I read something.
I read that in the womb, fetuses are covered with a waxy coating called 'vernix'.
In a sentence: Wax changed my (pregnant) life.
(yes, strange, but true)
In that moment I knew that everything would be fine.
I knew that If God could think to make sure that unborn babies do not turn into prunes
from being in the amniotic fluid of their mothers,
I knew He could calm my fears and plan for a safe arrival of my baby boy.
And, in that moment, I was reminded:
God is in control,
and
God thinks of everything....

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Four Girls and Fun!



4 Nights in the Midwest
+
4 (very silly) Girls
-
4 Children
+
(At least) 4 Miles of Nothingness...
Except Alpaca
=
A TON OF FUN!

Thanks, ladies for all the wonderful memories!...and you, too, Jett.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

"Aunt Michelle"














"Aunt Michelle! Aunt Michelle! Aunt Michelle!..."
This is what I hear Spencer chanting
in the background
as I talk to her mother on the phone.
Her mother sternly assures her that her chanting,
in no way,
helps the car to get to 'Aunt Michelle's' house faster.
I smile.
I mean, after all,
she's chanting my name.
Who wouldn't love THAT???
I LOVE to play my position as "Aunt Michelle."
I love to love my best friends' kids.
I love that they love me.
And I love every time I see how much they love her (more).
She earned it, after all....
(You would understand if you saw pictures of her pregnant with the twins).
And while I stand on the inside of the house,
Watching them watch her,
I think...
For once,
2nd best is not so bad.
(Love you, Kate, Spencer, Carter, and Davis. <3 Aunt Michelle)